idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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