just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
