nut hugger
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
