It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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