I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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