OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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