Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
be right there i have to get my cape
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize