So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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