I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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