in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
