Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
