We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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