so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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