Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
