he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
