i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
