Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
