I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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