I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
