Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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