so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Drunk is a universal language darling
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
