The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
