I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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