Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
