I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
