You just made me feel so damn special
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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