anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
