the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize