I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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