new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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