Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Randomize