ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
