This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
