I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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