It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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