The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
