i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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