what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
