i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
