i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
