party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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