So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
