This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
