I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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