Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
