We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize