A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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