I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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