dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
