Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
