I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
