I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
