Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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