Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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