Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
that's an acceptable place to lick
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's official drugs can't kill me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
