We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
