Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
