OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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