how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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