Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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