Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
