I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
porn star boner night. come get it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
