I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
