What did we do last night that was yellow?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
