There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
