Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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